Three Little Words
by WitchyVampireGirl
Summary: This time, Edward had to make them count-otherwise he would lose the girl forever. Entry for the P.S. I Love You Contest


**A/N: *waves* No your eyes are no deceiving you.. this is a new story from your Witchy! This was my entry into the P.S. I Love You Contest. Thanks to the hosts!**

 **Mucho love to Dawn you did pre-reading duties and to my lovely Pixiekat that loves my words... even the ones I use too much of. I heart you ladies so much. See you on the bottom!**

 **Enjoy!**

"Are you sure you want to do this?" My brother, Emmett, waved the offending piece of embossed velum in his hand. My stomach rolled once more at the sight of it.

"I have to, Em, you know this."

His hand clapped me on my back. "Just making sure." He gave me a knowing smile, one that only we understood. It was one of the many looks we had developed over the years. Not only were we brothers, we were twins. While I was older by seven minutes, you wouldn't know it by looking at us. We were polar opposites: He was big and bulky, I was lean and tall. His hair was fair and slightly curly, mine was more reddish and a riot of cowlicks that did what they want. His eyes were ice blue like our father's, while mine were green like our mom's. But I could trust him with my life and I knew he felt the same.

I paused before I looked back up at him. "Do you think I'm doing the right thing?" He was the only person I could trust my fears with. "Am I too late? We've had our chances, so many of them over the years. I could be doing nothing more than making a fool out of myself."

I ran my hands through my hair, resisting the urge to tug on the ends.

Emmett's quiet snicker brought my focus back to the question at hand. "You'll always be a fool, bro." I rolled my eyes at his attempt at levity. Seeing that I wasn't laughing with him, he sobered up. "Think of it this way, can you let her go? Are you able to live your life, move on and have no regrets?"

I paused at his question. I remembered how my stomach twisted into knots and I had to suppress the urge to vomit when Em told me the news. I couldn't sleep for days afterward. After one heavy night of drinking, Em told me to shit or get off the pot. Leaving to spill my guts was my response to Em's ultimatums.

Taking my silence as all the answer he needed, he placed both his hands on my shoulders. Glancing up, I saw how serious he looked. "You may make a fool out of yourself, but in the end if you get what you want, will it be worth it? Is _she_ worth it?"

I shook my head no. "But what if I don't get what I want?" I hated how small my voice sounded.

"Then you start figuring out how to move on with your life."

"That would suck."

Em's only response was to nod. Silently he handed me the keys to my car that were sitting on the table next to him. "Go get her, tiger."

"I'll call when I stop." Without another word, I grabbed the duffel bag by the door and walked straight to my car. Hearing the purr of the engine soothed my frazzled nerves. Running my hand over the steering wheel I contemplated what I was going to do. "You won't let me down, right, girl?" The lack of response just had me shaking my head. With a deep breath, I backed out of the driveway and made my way to the freeway. Ready or not, here I come Chicago.

As the miles flew beneath my tires, it was hard to keep my mind on the present. Taking into consideration where I was going and what I was planning on doing, it made sense that I was trying to figure out how I got to this point in my life.

The first time I ever told Bella I loved her we were seven years old and in the first grade. We'd grown up together. Her parents moved in next door just months before she was born. Our mom, Esme, had her hands full with Em and I as we were just a few months old, but she formed a fast friendship with Bella's mom, Renee. After Bella was born, it was a common to see the three of us together. Both mom's had albums full of baby pictures of the three of us in playpens, the bathtub, at the park, and on the beach.

By the time we made it to school, I was so used to having Bella around it was no big deal. So, we continued to play like we'd done every other day of our lives. It never seemed weird until a few boys in our first grade class made a big deal out of it. They started to sing about us sitting in a tree and kissing and it mortified Bella who had overheard. She ran away crying and so I did what I thought was right, I hit Mike, the kid closest to me, for making fun of Bella.

I wanted to run after Bella, but Mike punched me back and one of the playground moms saw us fighting and we were hustled off to the principal's office. I had found out, from another friend, later that Bella was so upset she ended up puking and her mom took her home. Hearing that made me happy that I'd hit Mike, he made Bella sick. I couldn't talk to her face to face after school as mom had grounded me, but Bella and I had our own ways to talk. After my parents had kissed me goodnight, I waited until I heard them watching TV before I turned on our walkie-talkies.

"Spiderman to Wonder Woman, are you there?" I waited, all huddled under my blankets, praying Bella would answer.

It seemed like hours, but it was really just a few minutes when she replied.

"Wonder Woman here." Her voice was soft and scratchy sounding and it made me sad.

"Are you ok?" I had to know.

She sighed and whispered, "Yeah. I guess."

"You know Mike is just an idiot. I punched him ya know."

"You did?" She asked.

"Of course," I replied matter-of-factly. "He made you cry and no one does that to my friend."

"Did you get in trouble?"

I shook my head before I realized she wasn't there with me. "Not really. Principal Cope talked to me about not hitting and then I got grounded. But it was worth it, Bella."

"Why?" she asked, her voice full of confusion.

"Cuz I love you, Bella. And my mom says you protect those that you love."

"You love me?"

"Always, Bella."

It never occurred to me that it would seem a bit weird to say that I loved Bella. I'd known her my whole life. She was my best friend, we did everything together. But that day, was the first time doubt creeped into my head. Mike thought it was gross that I had a girl as a friend. Was it gross? I just didn't know. The next morning I asked my mom if it was weird that Bella was my friend.

"Of course not, Edward."

"But Mike said it was. He said boys can't be friends with girls and if Bella was my friend, then she had to be my girlfriend."

"Mike is wrong. You can have anyone has a friend. Bella is your friend because you grew up together. You've always known her. I think it's wonderful you guys are friends. Don't let jealous people like Mike make you doubt how you feel about Bella."

She seemed so confident, that I couldn't help but believe her.

But her words were prophetic, it wasn't just Mike I had to worry about.

"How's the drive so far?" asked Em as I walked through the gas station.

"Uneventful, thankfully. Boring. Nothing to see in Wisconsin."

We both chuckled. I grabbed a water and a bottle of soda and made my way toward the snacks.

"Well, remember you only get ten points for hitting a cheese head …"

"… Fifteen if they're wearing the hat," I finished. It was an inside joke that started I on our first ever trip to Wisconsin Dells. Em and I were huge Vikings fans and felt it was wrong to travel into enemy territory. I appreciated Em's successful attempt at raising my spirits. "Thanks, bro."

"Don't thank me yet. Mom knows what you're doing."

I paused mid reach toward a bag of corn nuts. "Shit. And?"

"I think she's pissed that you didn't tell her."

I groaned. "When was I supposed to tell her that I loved Bella when I wasn't sure myself?"

Em's laughter grated on my nerves. The scowl on my face as I threw my purchases on the counter made the cashier do a double take. "Not funny, Em," I hissed as I swiped my card.

"It is! Moms pissed you didn't call to tell her you were headed to Chicago. She already knew you loved Bella. Hell, we all did!"

 _WHAT?_

I was in the eighth grade when I first realized that I loved Bella. Not in a 'you're my best friend' way, but in a 'you're a girl and a beautiful one' way. One day it was like there was Bella, the best friend and the next she was Bella the brunette bombshell. I never realized how many curves she had and I wasn't alone in that knowledge.

Mike, I-punched-him-once, Newton was all over Bella like white on rice and it was nauseating. When we were younger the only attention he'd given Bella was to tease her for her braces or the super tight perm her mom foisted on her. He was always an ass to her and now he was preening around her like a horny peacock. I can't count the number of times Em had to hold me back from decking him.

"Remember that she hates him just as much as you do, maybe even more. She's not gonna fall for his stupid shit." While his sound logic pretty much calmed me down, there was still a little piece of me that worried she would. It turned out Emmett was right, I didn't have to worry about Mike, not after Bella decked him for slapping her ass. He, however, wasn't the only eighth grade male with eyeballs.

Eric spent homeroom drooling over her. Austin would try to smell her hair in Algebra, and Ben stared at her ass so much in gym he'd routinely get hit with a basketball. It was maddening and confusing all at the same time. I didn't like these ass-hats looking at my friend that way. She was too good for them. But that also made wonder if she was too good for me. It was an insecurity that Emmett regularly picked at, whether he knew it or not.

"Bella is hot, Eddie boy! She's got tits and a killer ass, while all you have is acne and squeaky voice."

"Like you could land her if you tried!" I shot back at him trying hard not to punch him for looking at Bella's ass.

His laughter made me even more furious. "Hell no! She's like my sister, hell, she's like both our sisters!" He gave me a pointed look.

I could only blush and flip him the bird. However, his comment was the truth, for most of my life I saw Bella as a friend, a sister type girl I knew. Now that was all changing. She was beautiful on top of being able to keep up with me at the skate park. Her hair smelled like strawberries and she could still eat more chicken wings than me at Pizza Hut. More than once I got hard thinking about her and I felt exhilarated as well as embarrassed when I'd jack off to thoughts of her.

I longed to be able to talk to someone about this, besides Emmett. But after mom found the sock I used a few days ago and asked me how I got glue on it, she was no longer an option and well, dad was always so busy. Fate smiled on me one day when I was at the river fishing. Old man Waylon set up next to me and for a few minutes we fished in companionable silence. That was until my thoughts inevitably turned to Bella and I spaced out.

"That's the third fish that's nibbled at your line, boy. What's going on? You day dreaming?"

His words broke my reverie and I jumped, causing me to drop my rod and I had to fish it out of the water. "Yeah, um, daydreaming," I mumbled as I righted myself.

"Thinking about your girl?" His question was innocent, but for a brief moment, I thought he could read my mind.

"No!" My denial was too emphatic to be believable and my blush only confirmed it.

He smiled knowingly and then turned back to the river. My head was such a scrambled mess of Bella that I was ready to burst and that was exactly what I did. A nice long word vomit all over the old guy.

When I was done, I was panting from saying everything in a rush. With bated breath I waited for him to impart some secret knowledge. Instead I got laughter. Deep gut-busting, hold onto your hat, steal your breath laughter. I scowled at him. If he wasn't going to help then I was leaving. I hastily threw all my gear in my box, slammed it shut and began to walk away.

"Don't go, Edward. I'm sorry I laughed." His face evened out and he looked at me with earnest eyes. "You have to admit that was quite the rush of words. But I can understand, women are confounding creatures. I've been married to the missus for decades and she can still stump the hell outta me." He smiled fondly.

"But you young'uns make it all more complicated than it needs to be. You say you like this girl, right? And she's your friend?"

I nodded my head.

"Then tell her how you feel. If she's a good friend she'll either return your feelings or let ya down easy so not to hurt ya. In fact, ain't there a spring dance coming up? Why not ask her to go with ya?"

"What if she laughs at me?" I whined.

"What if she says yes? Don't let fear hold you back, son, you'll miss out on life that way."

The tone of his words were thick with experience. He seemed so sure of himself that all I could do was nod. "Thanks, Waylon." I walked away with my head filled with Bella and a new determination.

Of course, determination is all fine and dandy except when you keep getting interrupted. For two weeks I would continuously work up the nerve to ask Bella to the dance only to be interrupted. First it was her group of girlfriends, they whisked her away just as I told myself to man up and do it. Two days later, I found the courage and was sidelined by her putting on lip gloss. The sight of her shiny plump lips made me hard and I didn't want to ask her while sporting a boner. I ran away in shame. Four days later the first morning bell interrupted. This happened a few more times after that and when it hit the two-week of near misses, I was pretty much resigned to the fact that it just wasn't going to happen.

Then we were studying in my basement and it hit me. We were alone. Mom was upstairs making dinner, Emmett was at baseball practice and dad was still at work. There would never be a more perfect time.

"Bellawouldayaliketogotothedancewithme?" I hit my head on the table. Could I be any more of a spazz?

"Um, not sure I got all that, Edward." Her soft voice washed over me and I couldn't help but shiver.

Please, for the love of all that is holy, something swallow me whole. My face flushed with the thought of having to repeat it. But as my Grandpa Cullen used to say, in for a penny, in for a pound. Not sure if that was right, but whatever.

"Um, do you want to go to the spring dance? Um, with me?" I couldn't look her in the eye, it was just too much. There was no reply, just an eerily silence. I glanced up to see that Bella was gnawing on her lip. Her brows were furrowed deeply and she looked to be in pain. I wanted to kiss it all better.

We locked eyes for an eternity. Ok, it wasn't that long, but it sure felt like it. I couldn't stand the silence.

"It's ok, it was a stupid idea, no worries. What did you get for an answer on question fifteen?" I hoped like hell she couldn't see the disappointment in my eyes. Even worse was the slight prickly feeling in my eyes. Blinking furiously I begged the universe to save me.

"Edward." It was just a simple word, but it was accompanied by her warm hand covering mine. At that moment I was frozen, she was touching me and it felt incredible. Seconds later my eyes snapped up to hers. "I would love to go with you, but Tyler sorta asked me already and I kinda said yes."

If I was paying attention, I would've realized that she felt awful. Her eyes were glassy and her lips were a chapped mess. But all I felt and heard was my own fragile heart breaking. It wouldn't be our only miss in life.

I pulled over into a rest area, needing to stretch my legs and get some air. If I was being honest, I needed to get away from all my thoughts of Bella. They were swirling through my brain so furiously that it was starting to suffocate me. Spotting a path, I wandered along, taking in the sights and feeling the warm breeze on my skin. I tried to appreciate the vistas before me, but all I could see was Bella. As much as I wanted to get away from thoughts of her, she was never truly out of my mind.

High school brought a new sort of hell. Gone were the carefree days of our youth where our biggest concern was if we had enough money for a Dilly Bar at DQ. Now there were unspoken rules, cliques and high school politics to navigate. It was also four years where I learned just how bittersweet it could be to love Bella.

Much to my dismay, Tyler wasn't just a one dance and done thing. For whatever reason, they'd lasted the rest of eighth grade, the following summer and the first few months of ninth grade. It tied me up in knots and I'll admit I didn't handle it all that well. Truthfully, I was stupid about it. I could try and blame it on Emmett. I mean, he was the one to tell me to get over her and the best way to do that was to get under another girl. Crude, rude, and completely idiotic. But it was 100% Emmett.

Somewhere deep down I knew I shouldn't listen to Emmett, but like the unaware and scared man-child I was, I went full force with it and stuck my tongue down Lauren's throat at the back to school bash down by the river. I was a little tipsy on some stolen vodka and she was high on pot. We were the perfect fucked up couple. She was the complete opposite of Bella. Blonde to her brunette, vapid to her quiet compassion, dumb to her intelligence, fake to her complete natural beauty. However, to the dumb boy I was, it was me broadcasting that I could be with someone just like Bella was with Tyler.

When word got around that Tyler dumped her because she wouldn't give him a blowjob, I jumped his ass after school behind the bleachers. I took some licks, but he got much worse. I swore that if he ever touched or looked at her again, I'd break his pitching arm. The next day, I dumped Lauren. I'd hoped that if I gave Bella some time and space we could get together. I was never more wrong in my life.

All that started was a cycle of being in the friend zone and/or piss poor timing. After Tyler, Bella confessed how great it was that we were friends, she knew that I would always be there for her. To Emmett and Ben that meant a no go in moving it to the next level. When I finally got some courage to try telling her how I felt, she was already dating Diego.

By our junior year, there was a sinking feeling in my gut that told me I was never going to be more than her friend. After Diego, I watched her smile at, flirt with and kiss with Alec, Felix and James, the nerd. Not all at the same time, but she just always seemed to be with someone. She also moved in her own circle of girlfriends. Sure we hung out, but it was never as easy going as it as when we were younger and I found myself missing that. She stopped coming by on Sunday mornings for brunch with my family and a few hours of video games with me and Em. Now our time was spent as a group. Movies at the mall, river parties, bowling, the skate park or Ben's basement. Couples would sit together while the rest of played video games or bullshitted. Looking back I realized it was just a sign of us all growing up, finding ourselves and all that crap. But to me it was the start of Bella and I growing apart.

So, I swallowed my feelings and told myself that she was my friend, nothing more and nothing less. I had to convince myself that I'd rather have her in my life as a friend than not at all. Tanya was the first girl I tried to love. I threw myself into that relationship with all that I had. We lost our virginities to each other during a summer party. We broke up because I found her blowing Newton under the bleachers during the Homecoming game. I tried to do the casual fuck around thing with a few girls. It worked for my dick, my heart was another matter.

Senior year was a whirlwind of decision for the future; college visits, applications and the ever-painful wait for the letters to come with either a yes or a no. Bella and I were reduced to nothing but quick conversations between classes or when we managed to be at the same group activity. I knew she was looking at either the U of M or Duluth, with USC and Columbia as her dream schools. I had the U and Duluth as well with Madison and NYU as my dream colleges.

I would be lying if I said our schools overlapped by coincidence. As much as we had drifted apart, I still wanted to be where she was. She was my friend. Ok, it was bullshit, but it was what I was trying to sell my heart and I was sticking with it.

Come January she had been accepted to the U and I was going to Duluth- we would be three hours apart. It sucked. But when she started to date Garrett who was also going to the U, there was no more pretending. Bella and I would never be more than friends. The rest of my senior year was trying to convince my heart of that cold reality. When graduation rolled around, my heart had gotten the message. That was until the after party and I got shit-faced.

The music was pumping and I was holding my fourth red Solo cup filled with some crazy concoction that burned my throat every time I took a sip. I'd already been to the backyard to partake in the herbal medicine being passed around as well. I was feeling no pain, I felt good, and I felt free. Stumbling out the front door, I spotted Bella by herself. With a healthy dose of false bravado coursing through my body it seemed like the perfect time to toss the verbal filter. After I sat down next to her it was apparent, even in my highly intoxicated state, she never looked more beautiful than she did that night.

We talked, I think. It's all still a little hazy. Somehow, some where I got the notion to try and kiss her. I wasn't nearly as slick as I thought I was.

"I love you, Bella," I slurred. Lurching toward her, I pinned her down trying sloppily to kiss her. She began to struggle against the kiss. "Don't be like that, baby. We got chemistry!"

"Stop it, Edward!" When I didn't immediately stop, she kneed me in the junk. As I gasped in pain, she rolled me off her. "What the fuck, Edward? What are you doing?"

"Kissing you," I panted while my nuts still felt like they were on fire.

"Why?" If I was sober, I would've realized she was hurting. But I wasn't and I didn't. But I for sure felt my embarrassment and wounded pride. So I did what any red-blooded drunk fuck-wit would do, I hurled unthinkable words.

"Forget it, Bella. You're nothing but a god-damned tease! For years you just flaunted yourself around me! Thinking you're too fucking good for me?! HUH? Tyler was right, you're nothing but a fucking teasing bitch!"

I never saw the slap coming, but fuck if it didn't hurt!

"Fuck you, Edward! I thought you were my friend. You're an asshole like the rest of them."

She ran off, I stumbled back to the party where I did shots and passed out in the bathroom. When I woke the next afternoon I had no cohesive recollection of what had happened. I was too busy trying to calm down the tiny trolls with hammers playing in my head. Hours later when I had sobered up, snippets of last night starting coming back, fear that I had completely fucked up gripped me. I wanted to go to Bella and talk to her, the feeling that I had done something monumentally stupid refused to leave me. But I was grounded, as my dad wasn't too happy he had to pick up his intoxicated sons.

A few days later I was talking to Em who helped fill in my fuzzy memories. To say I was sorry would be a gross understatement.

"Dude, you fucked up!" he chortled.

"No shit, Sherlock," I snapped at him. "I don't know what in the hell I was thinking."

Em's laugh grated on my nerves. "You were so messed up, Edward, you weren't thinking."

I just glared at him. "How do I fix this?"

"Don't think you can?"

"Why? What you talking about?"

Em stared at me, his jovial expression going serious in a heartbeat. "You don't know?"

"Know what?"

"Shit!" Emmett started to pace my room, his hands running through his hair like we both did when stressed. "She's gone, bro."

"Who?"

"Bella." That one word sent a gut punch to stomach. "She left yesterday. Word was that she went to hang with some cousins on the West Coast, some hick place in Washington, I think."

"Fuck!"

"How are you doing, Edward?"

Hearing the warm tones of my mother's voice, even over the phone, was enough to ease the knot of worry that had taken up residence in my gut.

"Fine. All checked in."

I made myself comfortable on the couch that faced the Chicago skyline. We were silent, only our breathing being telegraphed over the line.

"Want to talk?"

They were only three words, but it was enough to crumble what worry I had building up inside me.

"I've been thinking about all the missed chances I've had with Bella. Maybe that was fates way of saying that we were never meant to be together."

"You don't believe that, Edward." There was such certainty in her voice. "If you did, you wouldn't have driven seven hours to tell her how you feel."

She was right.

"So tell me what's really on your mind."

"I'm scared, Momma. I have loved her all my life, even when I was with someone else. It's always been her, it always will be. But what if she doesn't feel the same? I don't think I'll survive if she turns me down."

"What if she said she feels the same? Have you thought of that possibility?" The chastisement was clear.

"Of course I have! But I can't help but worry that it's been too long and our chance has passed us by."

She let out a deep sigh. I could almost picture her, a slight smile on her face as she looked at me as if I was dense.

"I've watched the two of you grow-up together, Edward. There was a time when she felt as strongly as you did. I would be surprised if she still didn't feel the same. But it's not about her."

I couldn't help but bark out a laugh. "If it's not about her, than who in the hell is it about?"

"You, my dear boy. It's about taking a chance in your life on the girl you love. It's being able to live a life free of the what-ifs. Because I guarantee you, if you don't do what you went there to do, you will always be asking yourself what-if and that's no way to live."

Silence descended once more as I mulled her words over. It didn't take me long to realize she was right, like always. I had to do this for me. Once and for all, I needed to tell her how I felt. No stumbling, no alcohol, just me, and her and the words I've always wanted to say.

"Thanks, Ma. I love you."

"No need to thank me, it's all part of my job. Love you, too. Call us soon. And Edward?"

"Yeah?"

"No matter what happens tomorrow, I'm so proud of you. Good night."

"Night."

Later that night as I laid in the hotel bed, I couldn't help but think of college. I never saw Bella before I had to leave for Duluth. It wasn't until that first Christmas break that I finally ran into her. It was awkward as fuck. I wanted to apologize so badly but I had no way to begin to explain why I said and did what I did. At least not in way that would make any logical sense.

"Hey, Bella."

"Hey, Edward."

We just stared at each other, shifting from foot to foot. I opened my mouth a few times to begin to apologize, but there was no good way to start such a huge conversation. So I started off lame.

"How's school?" I internally rolled my eyes at myself.

"It's ok. You?"

"Not bad." _Man up!_ Taking a deep breath, I just decided to wing it. "Um, I'm sorry for graduation, Bella. I was so fucked up and that's no excuse, but I am so very sorry. My actions were completely out of line." I held my breath. My biggest worry was that she would ask me if I still loved her. I did, but I wasn't worthy of her

She flushed and looked around nervously. "It's ok, Edward. I knew that wasn't you." Her face scrunched up like she was debating something; unfortunately, Renee came around the corner and the moment was lost.

"Bella! We've got to get going, I have to start working on dinner." As she came up to Bella, she noticed me and smiled brightly. "Hello, Edward. College treating you right?"

"It is, Mrs. Swan. I'll let you and Bella get home. Nice talking to you both." I held Bella's eyes as I spoke.

"Yeah. See ya around, Edward," replied Bella as she walked away.

We didn't get to see each other before break ended, but we did start a tenuous long-distance friendship. We texted and spoke occasionally. But when her junior year came around, she got the chance to study with a leading expert in her field and she up and moved to Chicago and transferred to Northwestern.

Like people do, we drifted apart. Our parents kept in touch, so my mom was always telling me what she was up to. I tried to move on with my life; did well in school, found a good job, dated. But it just never seemed to be right. Not until I saw that envelope on the kitchen table of my parents' house. Seeing it about wrecked me. Facing the very real possibility of losing Bella forever didn't sit right with me. I loved her, always have, and always would. Now was the time to make sure she knew it without a doubt. Tomorrow couldn't get here fast enough.

BPOV

"Come on, Alice! Is all this really necessary?" I touched the blindfold she slipped over my eyes as we exited the car in front of the hotel.

"Very necessary. Come on, Bella! When have I ever steered you wrong?" I started to open my mouth and she cut me off. "Going blonde doesn't count!" I pouted and she laughed. "Trust me."

"I do," I replied and it wasn't a lie. "Lead on, oh wise one." She looped her arm in mine and led me cautiously toward our mystery destination. I heard the ding of the elevator and then when I felt a slightly disorienting sensation of movement I knew we were going up. I had tried several times to get her to tell me what she'd planned, but Alice could keep a secret as good as the CIA. She was the first person I'd met when I moved to Chicago. We ended up sharing a cab and we've never gone a day without talking since. She's the one person I could trust and it'll be weird not seeing or talking to her every day.

Feeling the elevator had stopped and hearing the doors open broke me from my melancholy thoughts. Alice grabbed me by the arm and carefully led me out of the elevator. We turned left and I could feel the plush carpet beneath my heels. There was no other sound but our breathing and the swoosh of our dresses.

I knew wherever Alice was taking me had to be pretty ritzy. She'd gifted me my dress when she picked me up earlier in the evening and it was the most gorgeous shade of midnight blue that I'd ever seen. The strapless bodice was covered in crystals while the skirt, with its thigh-high slit fell in a column of silk from a high waistline. I felt like a princess.

"We're here," announced Alice. She moved me a few steps to the right and then took off my blindfold. I blinked a few times to get my eyes used to the light. In front of me were a pair ornate double doors. There were no windows so I had no idea where we were.

"Where is here exactly, Alice?"

"Open the door and find out!" She was practically vibrating with excitement. Knowing I better do as she asked before she shook right out of her dress, I grasped both knobs and pushed the doors open.

"SURPRISE!" The crowd yelled as I stepped into the room. I didn't know where to look! There were so many familiar faces smiling and drinks held high in greeting. I turned to ask Alice what was going on, when my eyes caught a banner hanging up in the back of the room.

 _BON VOYAGE BELLA!_

My eyes misted with tears as I realized she'd thrown me a going away party. I snorted in the next moment when I realized only Alice would make it a black tie affair. I was quickly swarmed by friends and family all wishing me well. I spied Alice standing away from the crowd that surrounded me. I couldn't help but smile at her and mouthed that I loved her. She returned the sentiment and saluted me with her glass of champagne.

Hours later, I had found a way to escape to the balcony that was just off the ballroom. I'd smiled and made my numerous rounds of the room, but all I wanted at that moment was a little quiet and time to cool down. When I'd accepted the job in London, I never gave much thought to saying goodbye. There were people I was going to miss, for sure, but it never occurred to me that I needed to say a formal goodbye. Alice being Alice, knew me better than I knew myself sometimes. This party was a perfect opportunity to say goodbye to everyone I was leaving behind.

I hated the idea of leaving Alice behind, however, this was too good of an opportunity to pass up. It was only for three years, but right now it seemed like such a very long time. I was nervous as all fuck, but I was ready to start a new adventure. It was time to leave childish wishes behind. Time to move on.

Feeling as collected as I was going to get, I turned to head back to the room, when one word stopped me and stole my breath away.

"Bella."

I closed my eyes against the shock that crashed over me. I had to be hearing things. When my skin began to prickle, I knew it was no mirage …he was no mirage. Feet shuffled closer and still I kept my eyes closed and back turned. I didn't know what I'd find if I faced that voice. I wasn't sure I was strong enough to open the can of worms that had fallen into my hands.

Whatever resolve I thought I had crumbled when I felt his feather light touch on the back of my arm. It burned in the most delicious way and I couldn't help but shiver. Swallowing against the fear that had lodged in my throat, I turned around. The years had been kind to him. The tux that he wore hung perfectly on his filled out frame. His hair was a bit more tamed, but still the vibrant rainbow of red, brown and bronze that was forever etched in my memories. His eyes, good God his eyes were so green- greener than my mind could ever recall. They were always so expressive and right now what I saw threatened to bowl me over. With great effort, I tore my eyes away from his. Problem was I didn't know where to look.

His lips reminded me off all the times in high school I wanted to kiss him. His chest evoked painful memories of finding him and some sleazy chick making out at a summer beach party. Everywhere my eyes landed only served to remind me how much I wanted him for years and how I never got him. There were so many times that I'd longed to tell him how I felt, that I had wanted to try to be more than friends. Unfortunately, life and fate always seemed to enjoy teasing and tormenting us. Even when I moved to Chicago, there was always a small flicker of hope and an overly exaggerated sense romanticism that he would come seek me out.

Seems I got my wish, just many years after the fact and way too late.

"Edward," was all I managed to whisper. What else could I say? He felt like a stranger to me, yet my body was responding to him as if we were still high school. The joyous laughter and music that filtered out to the darkened balcony seemed out of place with mounting tension that grew around us. Old memories collided with new questions as the wide-eyed girl I used to be battled with the mature sensibility I've cultivated over the years.

"Why?" This simple question tumbled from my lips at the same time he breathed out, "You look beautiful."

A warm flushed spread over my face as I dipped my head.

"I know this is unexpected, Bella. But I _had_ to be here."

There was truth in his words, I saw them in the sparkling depths of his eyes.

Again I asked, "Why?"

I watched as his face morphed into a mask of fear and uncertainty. He opened his mouth several times, only to have nothing come out. A raw vulnerability creeped into his eyes as his hands began to tug at his hair. His helplessness spoke to the healer in me, the one that loved helping my patients find their voice and work out their issues. But, as I watched Edward struggle, I also understood the value in letting him discover the words he needed to say for himself.

"Because…"

"Oh! There you are, Bella!" Alice's chipper voice broke not only the mood, but Edward's determination to say his piece. In a second, his proud and straight shoulders rounded in on themselves and the heated gaze he wore was replaced with the vulnerability I saw earlier.

Oblivious to what was happening, Alice kept talking. "There are a few people who wanted to say goodbye before they left." Her warm hand circled my arm as she pulled me toward the ballroom. Locking eyes with Edward I tried to convey how much I wanted to keep talking to him, which he appeared to understand if the small nod he gave me was any indication. My lips turned up in a wide grin and we kept staring at each other as Alice dragged me behind her.

I barely remember what happened after that. Well wishes and goodbyes all blended together as I continuously scanned the room looking for Edward. When I'd find him, we were only given a second to gaze at each other before someone else came between us.

It was over an hour later when the room was mostly empty. There were a few stragglers that had had too much champagne and Alice and the hotel staff were working to get them safely into cabs. Wait staff circulated the room cleaning and gathering dishes. I had spotted Edward in my peripheral vision several times, his heated stares were burning holes straight to my soul. I was making my way over to him, when once more Alice blocked my path.

"Ok, so who is he?" She raised her brow as if to tell me no bull shitting was allowed.

"That's Edward." I let that hang in the air and Alice's mouth dropped open.

"As in _the_ Edward?"

I nodded. As my closest friend, she heard all about him, my crush on him, the horrible graduation party and our awkward attempts at a long distance friendship. She also knew, deep down, I'd never really gotten over him. Sure, I had dated- many times. But one drunken party where I confessed I had dumped my date because he wasn't Edward cemented in her mind that I'd yet to forget about him.

"What is he doing here? I didn't invite him."

"Did you invite the Cullens?" I inquired as I tried to keep tabs on where he was.

"Of course, you said they were close to your family and I thought it would be a nice gesture."

"Then his parents must have shown him the invitation."

Alice looked over to where I was all out staring. "He's hot! Well, what did he want? What did he say? Deets girl!"

"Can you just chill, Alice! I have no clue what he wants because you interrupted us before we could say more than a few words to each other."

Her gasp made me smile. "He's was on the balcony with you." Again I only nodded. "Go! Go talk to him. Oh wait!" She turned me so that I was facing her. She fluffed my hair, adjusted my dress and added a swipe of lipstick. "Now you're ready!"

Hesitating, I looked up at my dearest friend. "I don't know what to say or think, Alice. My stomach is tied up in knots and I want to hurl!"

She had the audacity to laugh which earned her a scowl to which she laughed even harder. When she managed to get herself under control, she looked me straight in the eyes. "Take a deep breath and ask if he'd like to talk. I think you owe it to yourself. Here!" She handed me a keycard.

"Alice! I'm not going to sleep with him!" She only rolled her eyes at me.

"For privacy, so you can talk. The fun stuff can happen later." She winked and then walked away leaving me standing in the middle of a mostly empty ballroom. Taking a few deep breaths, I spun on my heel to walk toward Edward only to find that he was already headed my way.

We were silent as we made our way to the room and that only gave me time to doubt what I was doing. I had long since let the notion of being with Edward go. It was now nothing more than a faded memory of a young girl who had fallen in love with her best friend. I harbored no ill feelings toward him regarding his drunken grad party antics. I was honest with him when I told him I knew that wasn't really him talking. What I kept to myself was how much I longed for him to tell me he loved me when he was sober.

The day after that disaster of a party, I realized I needed to get away, that there was no way I could let him go if I had to see him every day. So, I begged my mom and dad to let me go see my Uncle Billy. It didn't take too much convincing and in a few days I was on a plane leaving pieces of my broken heart behind.

I came home for a few days and then moved into the dorms. I threw myself into college and began to form a new normal after Edward. It was hard, but I did it. Hour by hour and day by day. I gained perspective on how I felt and realized it was nothing more than yearning of a naive girl who put her best friend on a pedestal. I knew I never had anything to offer him. I wasn't the made up, perfect coiffed girl he seemed to prefer. I was just Bella. My young brain rationalized that he saw me as nothing more than a sister.

Tonight, out on the balcony, I had no idea what to think. The inner seventeen year old in me struck a match that sparked a glimmer of hope. I wasn't sure if I wanted to fan the flame or snuff it out. It had the power to destroy me and I was tired of getting burned. Keeping that in mind, I was also aware that if I didn't take this chance to talk to him I'd be filled with regret.

When we made it to the room, we stared at each other in awkward but charged silence. Ghosts of our past swirled around us, whispering and I struggled to maintain my composure. Needing to feel grounded, I kicked off the heels that were killing my feet. The relief of that simple action fueled a need to be in my comfy clothes. Whatever what was going to happen, I didn't want to be in this dress, I needed armor, even if it was just yoga pants and a t-shirt.

"Do you mind if I take off this dress? I've been in it too long." I was surprised at how calm I sounded, when my insides were a quivering mess.

Edward smiled at me and I swear I felt my ovaries swoon. "Sure." He walked over to the large window and I scooped up a change of clothes.

In the bathroom, I tried to calm my racing heart as I stripped out of the dress and slipped on my worn black pants and double XL t-shirt. I pulled the pins and combs out of my hair and used my fingers to work out the tangles. Throwing it up into a haphazard bun, I swiped a make-up wipe over my face to get the majority of the make-up off. Looking in the mirror I gasped at what I saw. There was a brightness in my eyes and a flush to my cheeks. Without my knowledge, the flame of hope burned bright- I could see it.

"You're leaving for London in three days, Bella. Don't forget that." My whispered words echoed in the bright room.

I cringed at that cold reality. No matter what happened tonight, I couldn't lose sight of everything I'd worked for. Sighing at how fast I killed my mood, I forced myself to open the door and walk out into the main room. I made it only a few steps before I stopped.

Edward had turned when he heard the door open and now faced me looking even more sinful. Gone was the tuxedo jacket, the tie was loose around his neck and the first few buttons of his shirt were undone. My eyes zeroed in to the small patch of exposed skin. My throat dried as I wished I could bury my nose in that sliver of skin.

"Still beautiful," he whispered.

Edward's declaration broke the spell that had fallen over me. I tore my gaze upward only to find his crooked smile. My cheeks bloomed crimson in response.

"Be serious, Edward," I admonished.

"I am! You looked downright gorgeous in the dress. But this," he waved his hand up and down at me, "this is all natural Bella and just as beautiful."

My mind went blank. There was so much sincerity in his words. His eyes never left mine and I felt trapped in his penetrating gaze. The room which seemed too cavernous a minute ago had shrunken to nothing more than the two feet of space we were occupying. Needing to breathe, I forced myself away from him and moved to the couch. With as much grace as a newborn colt, I plopped down, my eyes closing as I tried to get my bearings. A bone weariness washed over me. I was tired of the push and pull of my own heart and mind.

I felt him move next to me, not on the couch, but in front of me. When I cracked open one eye, he was sitting on the coffee table. Determination and concern filled his eyes. The pucker that had developed between his eyes made my fingers itch to smooth it away. But this wasn't the time for intimate touches, no matter how badly I wanted to stroke his skin. To stop myself from reaching out to him, I wracked my brain for something to say. But where did one start when you had as much history as Edward and I? It was a weird situation. This was Edward, the same boy I'd grown up with, yet the man, while not quite a stranger, was unknown to me. Luckily Edward seemed to be in greater control of his thought than I was.

"I don't know where to start." He gave me a weak smile and I couldn't help but return it.

"I was thinking the same thing." We both chuckled until that resolute look returned.

"I have so much to say, but I need to start by saying how sorry I am for graduation." I made to interrupt him, but he placed his fingers on my lips shocking me into silence. My lips tingled and I fought the urge to lick his fingers. "I know I apologized, but I never said all I wanted to that day."

My mind flashed to the uncomfortable scene in the grocery store. I knew he wanted to say more, but as usual my mother had impeccable timing and we never finished the conversation.

"I'm sorry for being drunk and molesting you that way. I am sorry for the hurtful words I said. But one thing I'm not sorry for was telling you that I loved you. My only regret is that was that I wasn't sober when I said it."

He stopped to take a deep breath while my heart pounded so furiously I thought it would fly right out of my chest.

"I love you, Bella. I've always loved you." His words were quiet, but strong, and they screamed in my head on repeat.

Tears gathered in my eyes and I swiped at them not wanting them to blur my view of his face.

"I've loved you for so damned long and I'm so fucking sorry it took me until now to figure it out."

He loved me. Those three little words bounced so hard in my brain that I had no room for any other logical thought. So it was no surprise when I croaked out, "When?"

"When did I realize I loved you?"

Mutely, I nodded my head.

He cocked his head to the side as he stared off into the distance. "Hard to say. There was a point in my life when you were my one true constant. Someone that was there day in and day out and then suddenly, I was looking at you with fresh eyes. Gone was the girl who was all knees and braces, and her its place was this woman who was smart, kind, loyal and stunningly beautiful."

He paused again, a wistful look on his face before he turned his full gaze back on me. "Seeing you with Tyler was like a swift kick to the gut. Because it was him that you smiled and laughed at, it was him that got to hold you for slow dances and he was the one to kiss you. I think that was when I realized I loved you, I just didn't have the words or the understanding of it. If I'm being honest, I think I loved you long before then. I think I've always loved you."

At that, the tears I'd managed to keep at bay, trickled down my face. In an instant, Edward was kneeling in front me, wiping them way. The warmth of his fingers on my face soothed me, but my heart was overflowing in confusion and wonderment.

"Don't cry, love, please don't cry. I didn't mean to make you sad." There was such heartbreak in his voice, it wrenched my own.

"Oh God no, Edward!" My words were broken by sobs, they were scattered on my tongue and I had no way to corral them into something coherent. I fisted his shirt, needing to do something to show him how I felt.

"Shh, it's okay," he murmured as he enveloped me in his arms. I cried harder, not because I was finally in them after wanting to be for most of my life. No, I cried due to the complete sense of safety and coming home that surrounded me. It was everything I never knew I was missing.

Time stood still as he held me, his hands running up and down my back, lulling me into a quiet space in my head. My heart was bursting with love and joy. There was such a rightness to it all. His declaration of love was honest and I believed him to my bones. The love I'd held in the deepest corners of my heart now threatened to overwhelm my body. I loved him, too. Oh how I loved him. But it didn't change the reality of my leaving in three days.

It took all I had to lean back and look at him. Tears swam in my eyes again when I saw nothing but concern in his beautiful green eyes. Once again our timing sucked; now I needed to tell him how I felt and then break our hearts as I explain how I needed to leave him.

"I'm not sad at your words, Edward. I've wanted to hear them more than I've needed to breathe. I love you, too. For so god damned long! It killed me to see you with Lauren and the others because I wanted to be yours. I just never thought you'd ever see me as anything more than a friend. I've always loved you, but fate always seemed to get in the way."

I had to take a deep breath, my fragile heart was already crumbling.

"Like right now, the Fates brought you to me only for me to leave. I'm leaving, Edward. You must've known what the party was for. In three days I am leaving for London for three years. I love you, but I have to leave."

My voice cracked on those last five words. My heart exploded into a billion pieces and I didn't try to stop the tears from falling as I threw myself back into his arms. His arms tightened around me and I gave into the fantasy that I'd never have to leave the comfort they gave me. My soul railed at the cruelness of the Fates, to bring me my heart's desire only to strip it away.

"Oh, Bella! It'll be ok, it'll all work out," he crooned. Instead of comforting me, his words only made me cry harder. I couldn't ask him to wait three years for me, that wouldn't be fair.

"H-h-how?" I stuttered.

"I'll come with you." His reply was so matter of fact it was absurd.

"What? That's just crazy talk, Edward!" My tears stopped and irritation at his words made my skin itch. Pushing him away, I stood up to pace the room. "Come with me? That's insanity!"

"Why is it insane, Bella?" The calmness of his voice did little to soothe me and the slight smirky upturn of his lips only angered me more.

"Because! I'm sure you have a job, family, friends … a life back home. You just can't uproot your life for me. I won't let you!"

A hearty chuckle wasn't the response I expected. Whirling around to face him, I watched as he threw his head back and laughed. Pain and anger surged through me. How dare he mock my feelings? A growl, low in my throat, rumbled out.

"How can you find this funny, Edward?" The anger had evaporated, leaving me feeling devastated. My shoulders slumped in defeat as I tried to quell the need to scream.

"I don't find this funny, Bella."

I watched as he walked toward me, so self-assured and confident. His scent enveloped me before his hands captured mine. Lifting them up, he tilted my chin so we he was looking into my eyes. My heart sputtered and my body ached to wrap around him and never let him go.

"I'm not asking you, love. I'm telling you. I want to go with you. We've wasted too many years waiting for the right moment. So I'm making this time, this place the right moment. Jobs can be found; families and friends can come visit. But you, there is no more waiting for you, I want you here and now."

My head and heart warred with each other. How could I ask him to follow me across an ocean? But I wasn't asking him, my heart responded. What if Edward was right? What if we never got our perfect chance? What if this was our chance, as imperfect as it was, to finally be together?

"You realize that this is completely crazy, right?"

This time when he laughed, I laughed with him.

"Maybe it is, but it feels right, I don't care."

The laughter died and in its place a heightened tension. Edward's eyes went from mirth to desire in seconds. His eyes flicked from my eyes to my mouth and I couldn't help but lick my lips in response. So slowly that I thought I'd combust, he bent his head to mine. His warm breath washed over me and my eyes closed. When his lips touched mine, it was so light, a whisper of a touch, but I felt it everywhere.

Nerve endings fired and shivers raced up and down my skin. My heart pounded and desire curled low in my belly. His kiss grew firmer, deeper. His tongue traced my lips and I granted him entrance without a second thought. The taste of him flooded my senses and I was lost to it. It was too much and never enough.

We spent the night learning about each other, where we had been and what turned us on. When I woke, I was sated body, mind and soul. Happiness unlike I'd ever experienced flooded me and I reveled in it.

Two days later, we were holding hands as the plane descended into Heathrow Airport. As the wheels touched down, Edward squeezed my hand and I looked at him.

"I love you," he whispered as he kissed my temple. I shivered at his words. They were nothing but three little words, but they meant so much to me. They were the beginning of a whole new journey.

 **A/N: Did you like it? It sadly won nothing.. but I hope it won a small place in your heart. I have a feeling most did not like Bella. There has been a suggestion of a continuation... would love to hear your thoughts.**

 **I have missed you all. I am writing.. slowly... mojo has been slow to come. I have 3 stories in various stages.. I really want to get at least one of them to you. I did decided to join FAGE, so in Feb you may see that. Work and RL has been crazy... but seem to be calming a bit. I hope to carve out more writing time.**

 **Please, leave me your thoughts... I have missed them more than you know. As always.. hit the review button.. I await your words anxiously!**

 **WVG**


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